by Patty Mathews

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” ~Fred Rogers

My mother was an expert level caretaker. If it had been a major in college, and she had gone to college, she would have had a Ph.D. in Caretaking with a minor in Peacemaking and Mediating. There wasn’t a person in her circle that didn’t know that, if they had a problem, she was the first one to call. She would swoop into action without a second thought, listening to the issue, developing a plan, organizing the moving parts, and taking care of everything. She was good. She was kind. She was efficient. She always thought of others and made that her priority. Helping others ALWAYS took precedence over anything else. That was just the kind of woman that she was and the kind of woman that she taught me to be. Leading through example, she paved the way for me to be a helper. I may never completely live up to her standards, but it is an instinct for me now. If someone needs help, whether they ask me directly or not, my brain immediately starts to form a plan on how to take care of the situation, just like mom used to do. I am hardwired to help.

There are a lot of helpers out there. So many people were raised with or born with, the instinct to help. It is just how they operate. You see them on the front lines during this time of pandemic. They are the ones who are in the hospitals taking care of the sick. They are the people who work tirelessly to restock shelves in a decimated grocery store. They are the ones who are delivering food to those who are in need. But there are also the helpers that we don’t see. The people who are taking care of their loved ones at home. Caring for a sick parent or child. Doing their best to teach their children who are home from school. The person who is checking in on their elderly neighbor every day to make sure that they have all that they need. Helpers are everywhere. Mr.Rogers knew that and encouraged us to open our eyes and recognize them. And now, more than ever, we need to not just recognize them but celebrate them.

More than that, we need to HELP them.

Who helps the helpers? The selfless people who jump in to take care of the things that need to be taken care of. The ones who are always looking for ways to be of service are often the last ones to ask for help. Sometimes they don’t even realize that they need it. They are so focused on others that they don’t often pause to take stock of what they need. Pushing themselves to exhaustion and depletion, they don’t realize that they need care as well. The fact is, you can’t help anyone else if you don’t have enough energy to keep going. If all of the energy is flowing out, eventually you will be empty and have nothing else to give. In so many cases, for hardcore helpers, self-care is the hardest to give. It feels selfish, indulgent, and counterintuitive. That is another reason why we need to look for the helpers. Not just for the times when WE need help, but for the times when THEY do. Most likely they are not going to ask for it, so we need to get creative. Maybe we become “helper ninjas”. Getting in, completing the mission, and getting back out…without being detected.

It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture, although those are fun to pull off. It can be as simple as a well-timed Thank You, with eye contact and a smile. Think about the things that bring you joy when you need it most, and do that for someone else. Appreciation, acknowledgment, and being seen go really far in helping someone refill their depleted resources. If you CAN do more, like donating money to a cause, buying lunch for someone, or jumping in to actually help someone with a task, then by all means DO IT! But most often it is the simple gestures that make the biggest impact.

So look for the Helpers. Thank them, or better still, become one. Making it through these challenging times will be ever so much easier if we can all help each other. And one of the coolest things is, when you help someone else, the energy ricochets right back to you. So let’s spread some sunshine around and watch what grows.